What About Vulnerability in the Workplace?
In Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette: A Guide to Gracious Living, published in 1958, Ms. Vanderbilt points out that men in the great corporations:
Invariably practice a most formal business etiquette. Their façade is imposing, they employ well-dressed, soft-spoken receptionists, they provide private offices and interoffice communications to cut down on noise and traffic. They usually exercise considerable control over the behavior and appearance of their employees.
She continues by saying that executives who get "too close" with their employees often work less well, rather than better, mainly because this closeness causes them to lose their objectivity. But now, research professor and bestselling author, Brené Brown, and many others like her (i.e., Elizabeth Gilbert, Martha N. Beck, Byron Katie, and more) explain that although many people still think the "tough as nails boss inspires respect from his or her employees along with hard work," it just isn't true any longer. The idea that bosses can never be vulnerable at work is a dated one, and for good reason.
The Traditional Paradigm
Most company heads still gravitate toward what seems to be the safer stance. If you want your co-workers and administrators at work to respect you, keep a bit of distance between you and your staff. If relationships get too familiar, employees might forget who is ultimately "in charge." The time-tested attitudes that leaders must follow are: keep employees on their toes and keep them hungry. Cross the line, and managers can look "soft, lose respect or contribute to a decline in employees' work ethic."
Choosing to be Vulnerable
According to Emma Seppala, writing for the Harvard Business Review, quite the opposite is taking place when managers practice putting pressure on workers to improve performance. What is increased when pressure abounds at work is increased stress on employees which includes high costs to workers and employers alike. Losses such as:
High health care charges (due to 46% greater pressure than at organizations without high levels of stress)
Increased employee turnover
Stress linked to coronary heart disease
The 2018 Paradigm
So, can "nice" managers succeed? Sage Journals reports of a study undertaken by Charlie L. Hardy and Mark Van Vugt, entitled Nice Guys Finish First: The Competitive Altruism Hypothesis. Three separate experimental studies were used to find the relationship between altruistic behavior and higher status within groups of fellow-workers. Each study supported the thesis when a person chose whether they could benefit themselves or their group. The findings included:
People were more altruistic in situations where there was a reputation environment
The most altruistic members gained the highest status in their group
The most altruistic were most frequently preferred as cooperative interaction partners
When philanthropic costs increase, the status rewards also increase
Summary:
Individuals may behave altruistically for reputation reasons because selective benefits (associated with status) accrue to the generous.
The Four Pillars of Courage
Vulnerability
Brown points out that vulnerability and courage are the same things. The vulnerability is not weakness, it is the will to show up and be seen despite the outcome. Brown says:
You can't really innovate without risk or uncertainty. If you've created a work culture where vulnerability isn't okay, you've also created a culture where innovation and creativity aren't okay.
When a leader is vulnerable and courageous, he or she can have difficult conversations with colleagues, and the difficult conversations, when confronted, make all the difference.
Trust
Brown calls trust the "braving" connection with someone else. She uses the acronym BRAVING to represent the seven components of trustworthiness:
Recognizing boundaries
Being reliable
Taking accountability
Vault – not sharing information that is not yours to share.
Practicing integrity
Being non-judgmental
Modeling generosity
Resiliency
Brown quotes Theodore Roosevelt to explain this component:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; [...] who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.
Power and nobility are characteristics of being vulnerable. Hire the person who has tried and failed and tried and failed again. Develop resilience in yourself, as well.
Clarification of Values
Translate your organization's values into specific behaviors that can be observed and measured. Remember, it is only the courageous among us who can have discussions that are uncomfortable; learn from failures; stave off discouragement and bring their whole selves into the workplace.
Embracing Vulnerability
How can you establish that you are vulnerable at work? Jacob Morgan, in an article for Inc. Magazine, says we should ask ourselves these questions:
Are you the same person at work that you are at home? Perhaps being more relaxed and comfortable at work is a good idea. Be authentic to your true self.
Are you having real conversations with your colleagues?
Do you use open and friendly conversations to build connections with your co-workers? Open and non-judgmental talks with your fellow-workers can create an environment of cohesiveness and collaboration.
Are you afraid of becoming too invested or showing too much emotion about a report project? Even if you are unsuccessful, when you are enthusiastic it encourages colleagues to be the same. Morale and excitement can improve.
Possible Results from Being Vulnerable in a Business Setting
The benefits of giving vulnerability a try are numerous and include:
The growth of real connections
Increased trust
Higher engagement
Mutual respect among colleagues and leaders alike
More risk-taking
Improvement in the ability to ask for help and decreased judgement of those who ask
Doing what you say you will do
More accountability
Extension of the benefit of the doubt to others
More innovation, creativity, and collaboration
New and fresh ideas
Edgy and engaging results